Before I put up that section that Sam wants, the family conversations “too hilarious not to be shared with the entire world,” I want to say something about Speedy. And I want to say it now because once the section that Sam wants is up (it’s mostly about her father’s booboos), Speedy might not talk to me again so I better butter him up now. Suck up real hard, in fact.
I’m kidding. I want to write this but not to suck up. I just want to show my appreciation. At the time when I was getting very little sleep and was spending most of my waking hours struggling to keep the blogs online (it was an elimination process trying to find where the problem was), Speedy took over the house management. Our house helper has left us last week, like I said in the previous post, and Speedy kept everything afloat. He cleaned the house, did the laundry, cut the lawn, fed and cleaned the pets and, during times when I couldn’t, he cooked. I helped whenever I could but, over the past seven days, I didn’t have a lot of opportunities to do so.
I don’t know a lot of Filipino husbands who would do all that without grumbling. I don’t know a lot of Filipino husbands who wouldn’t feel emasculated. I don’t know many who could have managed. Most Filipino husbands I know are pretty useless in the house. They wouldn’t even be able to locate the broom, the floor mop, the laundry detergent or the dish washing liquid. Maybe you’d like to read this.
In a country where the home is still largely considered the responsibility of the wife, daughter, sister and mother, it takes a very secure man not to feel small when obliged to do household chores. I’m glad that Speedy is not one of those insecure males. I congratulate myself for not marrying a pussy. Speedy isn’t a perfect husband (who is, anyway?) but I am not unmindful of his good qualities. If he were one of those with convoluted beliefs about how the husband is lord and master by natural rights, our marriage would have been over a long time ago. Speedy knows I don’t tolerate malformed male egos.
It was such a coincidence that all of that was going on when I was interviewed for last night’s Journo episode. I just had to contextualize divorce amid today’s realities and the reasons why marriages fail.
I mused about the seemingly higher number of marital splits in my generation compared to, say, my grandmother’s generation. To my mind, that is not necessarily because there were more successful and happier marriages back then. At least, from one perspective. During my grandmother’s time, women were financially dependent on their husbands and separation would have meant losing financial support. At a time when there weren’t too many women equipped with the education and training to start real careers, staying in a hellish marriage was preferable over starvation. [Read more…] about My husband, my marriage and the divorce bill